By Sarah Gregg
Photo by Molnar Balint
The past can hold us back, and fear of the future can keep us stuck in place. By letting go of fear and incorporating mindfulness into your day-to-day life, you can accept the present and, in essence, Choose Happy.
Happiness can seem elusive despite its seeming ubiquity out in the world, especially on social media. In Choose Happy, certified Neuro-linguistic Programming Practitioner and member of the British Psychological Society, Sarah Gregg uses the practices of positive psychology to gently guide you through your past, present, and future to improve your well-being for a life full of joy, contentedness, and hope. By addressing the common roadblocks to happiness, you too can develop sustainable happiness.
Just follow the three sections to find your way to happiness.
Learn From Your Past:
Advantage of habits
Let go of hurt and anger
Firing and rewiring new beliefs
Freedom in forgiveness
Enjoy Your Present:
Regaining control of your narrative
Inviting in fun and play
Releasing judgment
The comparison catapult
Countering your inner critic
Building effective boundaries
Cultivating curiosity
Investing in your relationships
Believe in Your Future:
Have courage
Accepting uncertainty
Befriending fear
Embracing your future
Finding meaning in your life
Embracing patience
Combating imposter syndrome
BOUNDARIES THAT WILL MAKE LIFE BOUNDLESS“
Imagine your daily energy as an invisible bucket of water that you carry in your hands. On some mornings, you wake up to a full bucket, and on other mornings, there’s barely enough to fill a cup. As you and your invisible bucket journey through the day, you meet people and engage in activities that either take water out of the bucket or fill it back up. This energy exchange between people and activities that can either diminish or renew our energy requires careful management. Setting boundaries is an essential part of keeping your bucket as full as possible so you can use your energy to work toward what matters most to you.
SAYING NO
For some readers, saying no may come easily. For others, the thought of uttering the simple word “No” can evoke feelingsof anxiety and guilt. I’m certainly no stranger to the flood of people-pleasing panic when someone asks me to do something that I don’t want or feel able to do. I’ve said.
yes when I meant no far too frequently out of fear that saying no would anger someone or lower their opinion of me. However, I’ve come to understand that saying no when your intentions are good can be a loving and compassionate act toward yourself and others. It began with considering if anyone really benefitted from my need to please Was it really enjoyable for the other person to watch a movie, eat a meal, or work on that project with someone who didn’t want to be there? Was it really nice to feel frustrated and resentful because you were always there for others? As author and researcher Brené Brown say, “Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.”Saying yes when we mean no is unclear and unkind not only to ourselves but to other people who will quickly drain our energy bucket.
SCIENCE of BLISS
Research from the University of California in San Francisco shows that people who have greater difficulty saying no increase their likelihood of experiencing burnout, stress, and depression. By learning how to say no and set healthy boundaries, we can minimize our experience of negative emotions and cultivate happiness.58
HEALTHY BOUNDARIES AND HAPPINESS
Being clear on our boundaries and being honest with ourselves and others about how we feel is an act of authenticity and love. It’s through saying no that we create space for the other person to find someone who wants to participate in what’s being asked of them. This also allows us to protect our energy and time, ensuring that we invest in what matters most in our lives. Sometimes this can mean we have to establish significantly uncomfortable boundaries in friendships, families, relationships and work. If you’re in the process of constructing those firm boundaries, I appreciate that it can be a stressful and emotional whirlwind. Just remember, although sometimes it’s helpful to gain the opinion of others, trust your gut and follow your inner intuition. After all, these are your boundaries, and often there is no right answer, just the answer that feels right for you right now. Happy Tip When saying no, use “I don’t” instead of “I can’t.” Research shows that the use of “I can’t” implies they are resisting temptation, and their decision could be up for debate, compared with people that used “I don’t.” So instead of saying “I can’t do after-work drinks during the week,” say “I don’t drink during the week.” 59
E X E R C I S E
Mastering Saying No Saying no can be a challenging but essential skill. Here are my top three tips to help master the art of no..
PREPARE A PHRASE: When you are asked to do something that you don’t want to or aren’t able to commit to, it’s easy to panic and says yes. However, having a phrase already prepared can help. For example, you can say, “I think it’s going to be a no for now, but I’ll let you know if anything changes,” or “Thanks for asking, but I can’t (insert the ask). I hope you find someone who can (insert the ask).”.
PROTECT YOUR TIME:
It’s hard to say no when you haven’t intentionally blocked out how you want to use your time. By clearly planning when you’re going to exercise, work, and catch up with friends, it makes it harder for other people’s priorities to nudge their way into your calendar.
VALUE YOUR INTEGRITY:
If you don’t want to go out to dinner or volunteer for that extra project at work, it’s OK to say no. After all, it’s better to say no and be yourself than to say yes and pretend to be someone you aren’t.
58.Bradberry, T (2013, March 11) “The Art of Saying No,” Forbes, Retrieved fromhttps://www.forbes.com/sites/travisbradberry/2013/03/11/the-art-of-sayingno/#670474ea4ca8
59. Patrick, V. M., & Hagtvedt, H. (2012). “I don’t” versus “I can’t”: When empowered, refusal motivates goal-directed behavior. Journal of Consumer Research, 39(2), 371-381
