Andrew Haan
Embracing Identity Through Art and Pride
Tell us about your journey from Michigan to Los Angeles.
I spent my entire childhood in Lansing, MI. I had a wonderful upbringing with supportive parents and a close-knit family. I had a passion for hockey, snowboarding, and, of course, art. After graduating from high school, I spent a year at the local community college, where I took a prerequisite course to pursue a degree in graphic design. After a year, I had the chance to go to school in Florida, where I got my bachelor’s degree. After working in a marketing department for about six months, I began to question whether this was something I could pursue as a career. I was uninspired and unhappy, and I felt disconnected from my creativity. I took a chance and returned to school to get a master’s in architecture, which I also felt unsure about. After some soul-searching and major life changes, I found myself in Los Angeles. I had just begun a new relationship (and we were still together after 12 years). I was in a new city, and I still wanted to know what I wanted to do. But with all these changes happening, I was fortunate enough to step back and find what I wanted to do. With the full support and encouragement from my partner, over the next several years, I was able to pursue an art career. One day, an opportunity arose to paint a mural. It was small, and I wouldn’t make much, but I immediately said yes. It had been a dream of mine, but I wasn’t sure how to find the opportunity. And then, bam! Within an hour of beginning that first project, I was hooked. There was no questioning what I wanted to do. I was going to be an artist and focus on large-scale murals.
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How has your upbringing in Michigan influenced your work as an artist?
My upbringing in Michigan, or my upbringing in general, has allowed me to become the artist I am today. Raised on true Midwest values, I was taught to be a kind, generous, and caring person. My parents fostered a supportive environment where I was encouraged to explore my interests. I was given the space to figure out who I was. Coming from such an environment meant that I could nurture my interests and explore them with a sense of excitement and eagerness. Creativity quickly became one of those interests, and I was off to the races.
Is it tough to be a gay artist today? How has being gay shaped your creative expression?
To speak on this subject, I think I first must open the door and share a brief look back at my upbringing. As the oldest of three, I was always a quiet, sensitive child. I had my share of friends, but I also enjoyed being by myself. My family was tight-knit, and I was taught just how important that was. But as I got older, I realized something was different about me. It would take a handful of years to accept myself and even longer to feel safe revealing it to others, but I knew that I was gay. Knowing this but not being able to express it yet, I think I found my comfort in art. I was that quiet kid who just wanted to fit in and be “normal.” Something I think most kids at that age want.
But as I matured and found a deeper awareness in myself, I finally dared to come out to my family. It became a secret that I no longer wanted to carry. So I sat down with my parents, and I told them that I was gay. I was so nervous. I had said the “word” out loud, for probably the first time, and there was no going back. I can’t say I remember much of the conversation after that, but the support that followed was overwhelming. Neither my parents nor my siblings made any issue of it moving forward. I’m sure they had questions, but never did they ever make me feel anything other than loved and supported. So, when I think about how being gay has shaped my creative expression, this is what I return to. I was accepted for ME. Their encouragement allowed me the space to continue to work on understanding and accepting myself. To be afforded such an opportunity by the people who loved me the most has shaped me and what I do today. I understand that not all queer people have such experiences, and I am aware of how blessed I am each day. And I hope to offer that same generosity through my work as an artist and person.
What themes or messages do you often explore in your art? Are there specific experiences from your life that inspire these themes?
In my work, I’m not necessarily out to assert any message or agenda when creating. Much of my desire to share what I create comes from a place of introspection and self-exploration. The process of making art is what is important to me. Initially, it offered me a quiet place to find comfort when I felt disconnected from myself. However, as I grew as an artist and person, I found additional inspiration and healing in sharing what I do. So, within that incredibly personal and reflective place came a desire to share my art – to offer that same sense of introspection and self-exploration to someone else. When someone sees my work, I hope that even for a moment, they, too, can find that quiet place of reflection. A moment where they can recognize something about themselves: at the end of the day, bringing a bit of color to the world is what continues to drive me. My impact, however big or small, will hopefully always be rooted in positivity and good intentions.
What do you think the artist’s role is in society, and how can artists raise awareness for mental health?
In society, one of the primary roles of any artist is to inspire others. Art, no matter the medium, is meant to provoke thought, inspire change, and reflect the human condition. Whether purely aesthetic, deeply philosophical, or somewhere in between, all art has a purpose and role in society. And one of those roles is the conversation around mental health. Art can serve as an entry point for accessing emotions. For many people, myself included, emotions have often been challenging to process in traditional ways. Not everyone has the knack for expression through words.
Opening up to others can be a struggle because we often may not understand ourselves. This is where art can help breach that conversation. One may find “therapy” in the creation of art. At the same time, others may find it in the consumption of art. Either way, an artist’s role in society is incredibly important. Art, throughout history, has been a gauge of the human condition at that time. Whether it be a means to protest or simply an expression of beauty, art/artists have always lent their voices to the discourse around mental health in one way or another. And that responsibility should not only be held in high regard but approached with an openness and willingness to guide and listen.
What role does creativity play in your healing process?
As a part of my healing process, art has always been a grounding point for me. I knew I could turn to art when life seemed out of control. It’s always been a part of my life, and its presence is at the core of some of my earliest childhood memories. It was where I could think, feel, and, at times, hide. But as I pursue a career in something so personal, I’m constantly trying to find a balance and not let the “work” part overshadow the importance of creativity as a tool for healing. That fine line can be a difficult one to traverse when your passion is also your profession. One must not lose sight of why they create in the first place. When you are an independent artist, you are responsible not only for creating the art but also for promoting, selling, and distributing that art. So, while art is something I’m pursuing as a career, I must be aware of why I am even doing it in the first place. Creativity is one of the pillars of my healing process and must remain as such.
How do you cope with overwhelming, frustrating, and otherwise burdensome days? What helps you bounce back?
Personally, that has been something I’ve struggled with for most of my life. I can often get overwhelmed. I can often get frustrated. While nearly everyone can relate to these feelings on a base level, some of us find it far more difficult to process and move past these emotions.
We can feel as if we are frozen in place by the perceived impossibility of a situation. As a perfectionist, I tend to hyper-focus on a certain thing and struggle to move past it until I’ve either completed it or resolved it to my standard. That idea of “perfection” is where I tend to get overwhelmed. That feeling that nothing is good enough, that my work isn’t good enough, segues into my feeling that I’m not good enough. And the deeper you get into these emotions, the more challenging it is to see through the darkness to process and move on. And that is ok, to a degree, but not to the point where it controls you.
That said, I consciously take steps to process my emotions better when I get into these dark places. I am trying to understand why I may be experiencing certain things and be able to work through these more positively and effectively. I am doing this by being kinder to myself. Ever since I can remember, I’ve struggled with a negative self-image. Looking back, I’ve not been kind to myself. Constantly wrestling with an internal dialogue that says I’m not good enough. But by being more cognizant of these negative voices, I can meet them with kindness and positive affirmations. I can now begin to extend the same kindnesses I give to others, to myself. We can all stand to be more forgiving of ourselves. The more I acknowledge myself positively, the easier it is to crawl out of those dark moments. There’s no way to avoid feeling frustrated or overwhelmed, but when we begin to offer ourselves some grace, we can begin to take back control.
As mental health issues are severe and today people can openly talk about it, more than before, what advice would you give to young aspiring artists – especially if they are living with mental health conditions?
As far as we’ve come in opening the conversation of mental health, we still find it shrouded with such taboo in so many societies. So many of us have been taught, whether directly or indirectly, that it’s better to keep our feelings to ourselves. That you are weak if you show your emotions. If you fall, you better get back on that horse. That “boys” certainly don’t cry. And whatever else, we’ve been improperly taught about our emotions and how not to process them. If I can offer one bit of advice, it would be to talk as openly as you feel comfortable with what you are going through. And I say that as a reminder to myself just as much as I do to anyone reading this.
The more often we discuss mental health, the easier the conversations get. Not only does that help you, but also those around you who may think that they are the only ones going through something. Be a safe space for someone who needs it. Ask for that safe space if it’s something you need. Opening up the dialogue within fights that stigma and lends itself to a healthier self emotionally and physically. This goes for both creatives and noncreative alike. It’s much easier said than done, but the more we do it, the less we must think about it, and the more it becomes a part of our daily lives. Start small. Set reasonable goals. And if you do find yourself struggling, it’s ok. We don’t make big changes overnight. It’s about actively seeking peace. Whatever that word means to you.
Your mother is currently fighting breast cancer, and you have a younger brother with Down Syndrome. How have these experiences impacted you personally and artistically?
Both have played major roles in my life. I was five years old when my brother, Michael, was born. When the family found out that he had Down Syndrome, we weren’t sure what to expect. As a five-year-old, I was excited to get a little brother. But of course, there are differences and challenges when raising a child with special needs. My parents, especially my mom, dove in and supported Michael in whatever they needed. And as we got older and Michael developed into this kind, compassionate, and capable person, we’ve learned so much along the way. His way of seeing the world is both corrupt and jaded. He sees people for who they are. He loves hard and unconditionally. He is pure in heart and soul. And we continue to learn from him every day.
Another moment in my life that has impacted me is both of my parents’ battles with cancer. When I was 15, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. She received both chemo and radiation treatment that were ultimately successful. But not long after my mom finished her treatments, my dad was diagnosed with colon cancer, and the cycle started all over again. He also received both chemo and radiation treatments, which, again, were successful. Unfortunately, my mother’s cancer has returned, and she is once again going through chemo treatments. But with that being said, we’ve grown as a family through all of this. And we’ve learned so much in the process. I think we appreciate life more. We try to live in the moment and enjoy the important things. To not take things for granted. Not to say there aren’t tough days, but we know we have each other, and our blessings are immense.
What role does your art play in coping with the challenges of supporting a family member?
For me, art serves as an anchor through all of life’s challenges. I can sit down and create when everything feels out of control. It’s a place where I can retreat, recharge, and sometimes disconnect for a while. When I’m feeling stressed, anxious, and emotionally spread thin, art allows me to work through those emotions. It’s been there through the highs and the lows. In many ways, I would be lost without it. Art gives me the strength to be there for myself and, in turn, for those that I love.
How do you balance your personal struggles and professional life as an artist in a city like Los Angeles?
In all honesty, finding that balance can be difficult. As an artist, the line between personal and professional tends to blur. Art is such a highly personal expression. By creating anything, you put a piece of yourself into whatever you make. And if you are pursuing it as a career, you are putting that piece of yourself out to be consumed. Once you’ve shared, a level of control is conceded, and you are now open to praise and criticism. And I know we are taught not to give that much power to other’s opinions, but that’s easier said than done, especially in an age where the internet opens you up to an exponentially larger audience than at any other time in history.
Not to speak for all artists, but many of us can be quite shy and sensitive. We often struggle with self-perception, which requires a lot of courage to share. So again, finding that balance can prove to be challenging. I know it has been for me. But what keeps me going is my innate desire to create. It’s not just something I want to do. It’s something I need to feel like me. All the hard work is worth it, even when I feel nothing is going my way and this isn’t for me. It’s a constant battle to find that balance, but whatever it takes, it’s worth it to share my passion and what I do.
As you continue to navigate your own mental health, what are your hopes for the future, both personally and professionally?
My number one hope for myself, personally and professionally, is to continue growing and evolving. I want to move closer to that version of myself that can find success both personally and professionally. I want to get to a point where anxiety and depression consume less of my headspace. My focus can be on all of my good in life rather than the perception of all my shortcomings. To find the strength to stand by my convictions and live as authentically as I can. I want to be able to live in the moment and harness those blessings rather than dwell in a space of fear and depression. And “I’m slowly beginning to see those changes in myself.
I’m finding strength not only in who I am, but in what I do. A confidence that inspires me to dive deeper and work even harder to understand my purpose. Harnessing what I’ve learned and building on that to keep moving forward. Those are my goals. If I keep my head up, remain the best version of myself, and remain kind, I know what’s meant for me will present itself. And as they do, I’ll be ready to receive them.
Would you like to share any upcoming projects or goals you’re particularly excited about?
I have taken this year to try and reflect. It’s not been the most accessible year regarding my work, but I’ve tried to channel that struggle into something positive. To work on myself and grow. I have a few exciting projects, including an exterior mural project in the heart of the arts district in downtown, Los Angeles. Upon its completion, it will be my biggest project to date. Other than that, I am excited to return to what I love. I think it’s essential to go through these challenges. It helps regain perspective and even evolve new ones. That’s what this year has been about. With the support of my partner, friends, and family,
How has the LGBTQ+ community in Los Angeles supported you in your journey as an artist?
As a member of the LGBTQIA+ community, I’ve been incredibly blessed to find a circle of people who are supportive, encouraging, and eager to see me succeed. Even when I may not recognize my talents, they quickly remind me. And there is no better example of that than my partner. We have been together for almost 12 years, and just this past September, we shared our sixth wedding anniversary. From the beginning, he has been the one to give me the courage to pursue my passion. He is rooting me on with each success and picking me up after my failures. Without his unyielding support, I’m not sure I would be able to call myself an artist today. He’s helped me see things in myself that I didn’t even know were there. His constant presence as a partner is a foundation from which I can grow as a person and artist.
And within that partnership came an amazing group of friends. A group of friends that, at one point in my life, I didn’t think I was worthy enough to share in. And now, not only do I consider these people my friends, I consider them family. These people come from all walks of life. Some are older. Some younger. Some are creative. Some are members of the LGBTQIA+ community. Others aren’t. And they all create the community I am so fortunate to be a part of.
In what ways do you hope to give back to the community through your art or other efforts?
To elaborate further on the previous question, having a supportive community around you is vital. As a member of the LGBTQIA+ community, we certainly understand the importance of our chosen family. While I’ve been blessed with my biological and chosen family, many aren’t afforded the same love and support. Others may only have their chosen family because their biological family doesn’t support their “lifestyle.” That’s where I want to give back to the community. Whether it’s through my art or other means of support, I want to be able to return the same blessings that I’ve been given. To be someone’s inspiration. To be a voice that someone can find commonality in. I know just how deeply art has influenced my life, and I want to be able to share that with anyone who may need it like I did.
What message do you hope your work conveys to those who see it, particularly those facing similar struggles?
Whoever may come in contact with my work, my goal would be for it to bring a sense of hope and healing. I feel that same hope and healing I feel when making it. In its abstraction, my work leaves room for the viewer’s interpretation. It’s meant to offer someone a moment of pause. A moment of reflection. It is a brief spot in their day where they can disconnect from whatever they may have going on and experience something just for its aesthetic value.
How do you want to be remembered as an artist and person?
At the end of the day, as a person, I want to be remembered as someone who cared. Someone kind, thoughtful, and lived an authentic life. And as an artist, I want to be remembered in the same way. I love to create; it’s what fills my soul. It acts as a therapy for me. And I am blessed to be able to pursue it as a career. If I continue to create and hopefully brighten a few lives on the way, I’ll be happy as a person and as an artist.
By Dina Morrone
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