By Jayita Bhattacharjee
Self-love is a state of acknowledgment, a consciousness that you need to be cherished, not left aside. It is this cognizance that arises from the actions that enhance your physical, psychological and spiritual development. The greater the self-love one develops, the more is his/her capacity to attract people. One of the essentialities in nurturing this much-needed love is to set up healthy boundaries and to live intentionally. It is then that you live and not merely exist.
Self-love is a widely discussed term today, more so in the face of mental health. The more immensely you learn how to love yourself, the more nourishing it is for your soul. Ultimately, the process becomes a nourishing affair you have with your heart. It is an effortless loving, an adventurous engagement with your soul, which becomes the core of your substantial living. You cannot unlock your desires until you are nurtured inside. Your dreams begin to die as you burn malnourished emotionally. Your possibilities wane as you wander aimlessly in neglect in the moments of the unlighted dark. You become baffled and befuddled, a complete lane-drifter. Self-love determines how you are going to cope with the challenges that come along your way. Your ability to handle the obstacles is reflected in the way you love yourself first, the way you heal your own wounds, and then decide to give yourself out to this world. Or else you bleed in a silent scream, and the world gets to have a share of bleeding you.
So to love yourself, you need to give yourself respect and recognition. You need to come to an understanding, a realization that you exist and that a daily cherishing, an ongoing treasuring of you, will be a renewed vitality. It cannot be just an option. Self-love is the real necessity, the pragmatic way to look at the truth of living. It is so desired for your overall well-being that the more you love yourself, the more you live fully from your soul, from a place of authenticity. And the spiral continues. You learn to meet everyone and everything from a place of authenticity and not a superficiality. It influences every decision you ever make in your life, and thus, you bring more of life into yourself as being rooted inside self-love, you begin to shape your decisions. You have the power over yourself as you allow your soul to be nourished, your body to be held from inside.
You are held by yourself livingly, from a place of conscious choice. You learn how to live intentionally and not by slipping into a series of mistakes.
Self-love is not simply basking in the good feelings, but it is a continual state of cherishing yourself and relishing in the delights of living. This love is dynamic and springs from the actions that lead us towards maturity. When we learn to accept our flaws and weaknesses side by side our strengths, when we allow us to be gentle with ourselves, we lend ourselves forgiveness for the choices we made. Rather than being critical and judgmental, we learn to love ourselves, holding no reservations. That becomes the crucial step in learning to love your soul. You do not look to explain your shortcomings, knowing as a human, you are born imperfect, but you are striving to make a perfect tapestry out of the seeming imperfections. You have less need to explain yourself to this world. You just become you and let the world adjust to accept the newer version of you. As love is no love until it includes you, understanding is no understanding until you understand yourself. And then you step out to understand this world.
You do not allow your struggles and shortcomings to block your way; rather, you bypass them as you are guided by another vision, the light of your soul. And such a light arises only when you nourish your heart. From this daily nurturing, you develop a deeper relationship with your soul. It becomes a euphoric affair, one that takes you to a grand vision, a walk with your head held high. Effortlessly, you become centered in the purpose of your life; spontaneously, you become someone more grounded in values. Living becomes effortless, and you no longer strive, rather begin to thrive.
Ways to cultivate self-love would be to be mindful. So you tend to know what you feel, think, and long for. Know your wanting, know what tickles you in your deeps and know what extinguishes your happiness. So you make a conscious choice to step into those which arouse you into life and step out of that which blows off the fire of your living.
Act on your needs and not on your wants. To turn away from things that make you feel excited and thrilled and turn into things that make you feel rooted and anchored is a vital step. So the story of your life will be ongoing and not static. As you will not be stuck by the marshes of lowlands and wetlands of life, rather you will flow like a babbling brook. Focusing on your needs, you walk away from automatic behavior patterns that keep you bogged down. You learn to skip troubles, and your life becomes stress-free. You are no longer stuck in your past, rather you let open the windows of your soul, and the fresh air comes in to renew you. You love this version of you, who emerged from the practice of self-loving.
As you practice better self-care, your basic needs are met. Your daily nourishment arises from healthy nutrition, regular exercise, a sound sleep pattern, closeness with another, and healthy social interactions. You rule out the unhealthy social interactions that do not support yourself. It is not an act of selfishness; it is an act of tending to your needs.
Boundary setting is vital to work, love, or activities that lead to gradual depletion or erosion of the self physically, emotionally, or spiritually. Anything that leads to a poor expression of you needs to be turned off.
Protect yourself at all times. This protection becomes a shield. Walk away from the ones who struggle to be happy for you in your success and let in the ones who support you, encourage you in ways you never imagined. Time spent with them is time wasted. Rather, time spent in the company of those who uplift you is time put to productive use.
Forgiveness includes you. Remember that when you become so hard with yourself is a necessity again. While we need to take responsibility for our own actions, one of its downfalls, we often overstep it and bear too much brunt when our shoulders are bending low. To acknowledge and accept that you are human born with imperfections would be to cut yourself off from the burden of invisible guilt you carry around—forgiveness gifts you the ability to walk straight guiltlessly and unashamedly.
Make a conscious choice to live intentionally. Your acceptance of yourself and your falling in love with your soul will give you further clarity as you live with a vision straight ahead, a purpose, a meaning, a knowing, an understanding of why you are here on this earth and what is the grand reason behind it. Your search becomes complete. You no longer are a homeless wanderer. You come home to yourself as you let your soul fall in love with the many beauties around the bend. You muster the courage to face surprises and learn to overcome them with confidence and self-esteem. This living becomes a process of learning. It does not arise unconsciously; rather, it is continually an intentional choice, a willful living.
It would be best if you internalized that there are many diverse aspects of you, several parts that make up the essential you. You are a mix of many facets, and not just one. Your value and worth do not necessarily depend upon focusing on one aspect only. Rather than defining yourself solely by your appearances or how intelligent you are, or what a high profile job you are doing, you can choose to shift your attention to other positive things in you.
As you are a balanced mix of many things and assorted beauty, realizing that is central to your self-love and never let just one aspect rule your idea of who you are. Internalize the many facets of yourself consciously.
Treat yourself as you treat someone you love. Do unto yourself what you would do unto others. Indulge in things that will be playful with your heart as you would to pull the heartstrings of someone you love externally. Engage yourself in playful games with your hearts, so they will glean the lively and high-spirited you. Rather than quietening you, they will transform you into an exuberant one. Just as you would banter someone else if you would have loved, immerse yourself in those bantering activities that will give your heart a gentle nudge and push it off the edge to fly. Give yourself the freedom to do it and do it without any sense of guilt, as letting yourself loose, teasing your heart to be jubilant needs to be guiltless. It will kill your unspoken sorrows as what sat heavily inside you will now be loosened in the fresh air, and you will flirt with your heart.
Direct yourself internally and not towards external validation. If your mind is getting inclined towards seeking approval from others, immediately direct it deep inward by questioning yourself,” What is it I want to be?” “What is my ultimate vision?”, “What is my thought and perspective about this matter?”
The outcome of exercising self-love is self-esteem enhancement. You regain your confidence back, and what kept you staggering and stuttering now comes beneath the light of courage. You wake up to an unseen version of yourself that walks with poise and determination, knowing your spirit as you have nurtured it. From this knowing, you will walk collected in your thoughts. The very definition of you changes as you have taken conscious care of yourself, engaged yourself in a lifelong affair with your soul, knowing this affair will lead you to a grand vision in life. Your dependence on this world goes downhill as your replenishment comes from an inner well you strive to keep full. This fullness will carry you towards wholeness. It will walk you through the seasons of life, be they rugged or smooth. No matter what the terrains are, self-love will uphold you effortlessly. You are in love unashamedly, and it becomes an unregretted affair with your heart.
