How I turned crisis into clarity and growth
When life brings in a wave of unexpected, destabilizing change—what I call a tsunami moment—it can knock the wind out of us. Fear, conflict, confusion, and emotional chaos can come crashing in, triggering unconscious reactions and paralyzing anxiety. We can feel as if we have no control over its impact, as if forces outside of us have all the power.
But we must remember, especially in the middle of the turbulence, that we have within us the ability to overcome and rebuild from it. I know because this is something I had to do.
For more than two decades, my husband and I poured everything we had—our time, our finances, and our relationship—into building a company from the ground up. We started with just the two of us and a mounting pile of start-up debt. Within ten years, we had become a successful, eight-figure revenue business. We grew our company to employ over 140 people across three states and ran the business side by side, as business and life partners.
So when he walked into my office one afternoon and said he was leaving the company, with less than 30 days’ notice, I was stunned.
His decision threw my life into a major crisis. My business, marriage, family, and state of mind had all gotten tossed into a whirlwind of uncertainty and I had no idea how to steady it. For six months after he left the company, I immersed myself in the pain of it all. I couldn’t think or sleep, let alone make clear-minded decisions about the things I needed to do to continue to move our company forward. His departure left a gaping hole—we hadn’t structured operations as if one of us would disappear.
“Why?” I must have asked this of him, myself, and God a hundred times. I couldn’t get past trying to understand why he would do that. His decision felt like he’d walked out on me and our marriage, and that’s exactly how I took it. It hurt me deeply.
One morning, sitting in my pain, I flipped through my journal and ran across something I’d written from a book I read several years before. It said, “Asking why is a useless exercise.” I was reminded that I was asking the wrong question.
The answer to “why” could offer nothing more than an explanation about turbulence that was already in play. An explanation as to why might have addressed my confusion and nursed the pain, but it also might have exacerbated it. In either case, that information would have kept me tethered to an act that was behind me when what I needed was a strategy for what was in front of me.
The question I really needed to answer was: “What do I choose to do now?”
Shifting my mindset from “why” to “what” marked the turning point in my journey. Here’s what I learned about navigating turbulence and how crisis can if we allow it, become a pathway to clarity, resilience, and growth.
1. Immediate Response: ask “what,” not “why.”
The question, “What do I choose to do now?” is empowering. It is a way to get grounded in present circumstances, making a path for forward movement. “Why” can serve as an emotional attachment to control held by people and situations outside of us. “What” is a reminder of personal agency—even in chaos.
When I stopped demanding an answer to “why” from my husband and instead held myself accountable for “what”, I found answers that restored my footing. And here’s the most remarkable part—once I moved from “why” to “what,” my pain eased, and the dynamics of my relationship with my husband shifted. I stopped clinging and longing for what had once been; I started evolving into a newer and better version of myself. Funny, the shift in me made him hear me differently—I’m guessing the deafening sound of my anger had softened. My husband and I re-engaged in civil conversation and, eventually, in collaboration (he later returned to the company). Our life together became more meaningful, authentic, and loving.
2. Don’t resist reality.
When life delivers the unexpected, it’s tempting to resist—push back, argue, and deny what is happening. But resistance delays growth. It can create traps that keep us in unproductive emotional holding patterns.
I had to let go of the vision I was attached to—the image of my husband and me working side by side until we retired somewhere near someone’s beach. At some point, that vision was no longer his vision. When I released my vice grip on what I thought for sure we both wanted, there was space for a new vision to emerge. The turbulence of change forced me to redefine a lot—values, priorities, and actions.
Acceptance doesn’t mean giving up. It means aligning your energy with truth so you can move forward.
3. Lean in instead of lashing out.
The noise rises during turbulence, leaving no shortage of endless chatter from the outside–and inside the mind. Why? Because fear stokes anxiety and anxious minds can be restless. The key to stopping unhelpful and useless dialogue is to consciously and deliberately unplug long enough to sit in solitude and gain clarity. Journal about: what’s really happening, what’s truly desired, what you fear that hasn’t actually happened, and what the best, most important action is now.
When I tried to save everything: the company, the dynamics of my marriage, my sense of control, I was overwhelmed. So, I lashed out, blamed, and saw nothing but what was bad about what was happening. But in my quiet space, I remembered my own hidden truth: I had been unhappy in our business for years. Wisdom is best gained in stillness.
4. Acknowledge fear—but don’t give it life.
Fear is a gift—it is an instinct that can protect us. But when fear reigns in situations that don’t warrant it, judgment gets clouded, tensions rise, and bad outcomes can surface. When is fear warranted? When real danger is happening. The use of caution (awareness + wisdom) during turbulence is often more effective. It is a pause for better decision-making. Fear (emotions + paralysis or avoidance) can trigger reactions and block progress.
In my case, I allowed fear (false evidence appearing real) to drive my thoughts and trap me in a loop of unproductive reactions. I was imagining what I thought could or would happen when what I needed to do was confront my turbulence using caution to execute actions to prevent the worst-case scenarios haunting me from happening.
5. Redefine success on your own terms.
In the business, success is mostly equated with growth, profit and revenue, and dominance. But if peace and contentment are not part of the experience, is that really success?
After my husband left the business, I spent more than a year trying to replicate what we’d had. Nothing I tried worked. Late one night, after laying off employees for the first time in company history, I realized something vital: not only was I unhappy working in the business, I had growing resentment towards it.
That realization helped me recognize the door in front of me–to redefine what success looks like for me.
6. Remember, happiness is an inside job.
I spent too long expecting my husband to fix how I felt. I held hope that he would come back, but when it became clear that he would not, I turned to friends and mentors to console me. None of that helped—because no one else could do the inner work that was needed.
I had to answer hard questions…
What is causing me to cling to an experience that has already changed?
What is a better vision for me to hold, given what I know?
What actions are within my control to shift toward that vision?
Why am I not taking those actions?
The answers helped me shift from despair to resilience, from pain to power.
7. Trust that answers will come.
Getting left in the business by the person I trusted most was a painful rupture. But having gone the distance, I see it was also a spiritual invitation. It forced me to listen deeper, ask better questions, and rediscover the quiet voice within me.
I’ve learned to trust that there’s always an answer. It may not come as quickly as I want, and it may not come in the form I expect—but it comes. And when it does, it’s often wrapped as growth, strength, and a deeper sense of self.
The Outcome
After three years, my husband returned to the company. Fortunately, we were different and more evolved by then. The professional time apart paved the way for greater appreciation, respect, boundaries, and purpose.
Our marriage is stronger and so is our business partnership. But most importantly, I am stronger. While I don’t like turbulence, I’m not afraid of it anymore. I’ve learned that’s where some of the best growth can happen.
So, if you’re navigating your own version of turbulence, I want you to know this: You’ve got this.
To purchase Mindset Freedom by Malitta Seamon and Brad Seamon
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