By Angela Dunning
We spend much time and energy resisting the circumstances of our lives. We want things to have been; to be now and in the future, different from what they actually are.
This resistance can include wishing we’d been born into a different, easier family and environment; wishing things hadn’t been as they were when we were a child and a teenager; wishing we had more money, status, and power; wishing we were in a relationship; denying the needs and messages of our physical body and wishing the pain or illness would go away; we wish we could get that promotion or change our career altogether; we dislike how we look and we see our so-called flaws and inabilities as things to be ashamed of and therefore kept hidden. So much time wasted in denial of the reality of the life we’ve been born into and the path we’re traveling.
In his book, The Soul’s Code, Jungian author James Hillman reveals his ‘Acorn Theory’. Where each person comes into this world with a unique template or blueprint and it is the task of a lifetime to discover and follow this unique trajectory. The acorn reveals itself in many ways and interestingly, often within our very resistances to certain things and directions. Realizing this can be very healing as we can now review our past decisions and choices through a new lens and see that which we resisted and turned from was in fact, the right medicine for us after all.
Often this appears on the surface as a failure, for example flunking school or college, dropping out of university, taking an undesirable subject or career path in our society, and to our family and friends. Yet, all of these turns and about turns reveal the blueprint of our soul when we look back. Many de-tours take place as we grapple with the pressures of our parents, siblings, friends, teachers, and societal values versus the calling of our soul and the trajectory it wishes us to take. Much conflict and heartache can ensue and relationships often break down in the process. We might find ourselves on an academic path yet yearn deep down to be an artist or writer. We might enter the business world and get locked into an uphill struggle for more money and prestige, while all the time our soul is trying desperately to turn us away from this corporate coldness, and back to the warmth of its fires, where our heart swells and we begin to feel alive again.
Yet, what happens when we stop resisting? What happens when we learn to accept and embrace our life just as it is? Healing is what happens. Especially with regard to our family of origin. Hillman says that our Acorn chooses our parents and the exact circumstances of our birth and childhood, including our entire family and the situation we find ourselves in. To embrace this understanding is immensely healing. All the struggles and deprivations of childhood suddenly fall into much clearer light, particularly if we have a very difficult relationship with our parents and siblings. We begin to realize that in the struggle and pain, and yes, even in the trauma, our soul was seeking something for us. Some deeper healing which couldn’t happen without these circumstances, hence its original choosing.
At some deep, unknown, and unremembered level, our soul laid out the life we find ourselves in. The moment we’re born we forget all about this pre-planning and coordination. But what healing can come when we finally see that this was the case! That we choose the very mother and father we had!
As I’ve spoken about in previous articles, it is in our suffering that we discover meaning and we shift into a higher level of consciousness. Through our suffering, we wake up to our soul’s true purpose and we gradually shed all the unnecessary layers – roles, jobs, identities, and beliefs that keep us unconscious and out of intimate contact with our soul. Had we not had the experiences we did as children, we would lack the necessary nutrients and compost to grow into who we really are meant to be.
This isn’t to excuse bad treatment in any way, or to make light of it or to bypass it without hard work and painful healing. However, immense healing can come from knowing that our own soul chose this particular route for us, no matter how painful it has been.
And, this realization can bring with it deep inner calmness. A big “aha” feeling, as it brings us to a place of acceptance of our fate: This is what my life was meant to look like. I can finally stop struggling against the past and my circumstances and wishing they had been different, for that is to continue to live in a false reality; an illusion and endure unconscious suffering.
Stepping into the truth through accepting our fate leads us immediately to greater authenticity and inner peace, where healing can rush in more easily as we let our defenses down. Finally, we can stop struggling against what was, and turn our attention, focus, and energy onto where our soul is calling us to go now; towards our true becoming.
