By Angela Dunning
We tend to view authenticity as some big, complex, and permanent state, something to be worked towards and attained eventually at some point. Yet, in my experience, authenticity is experienced in moments. Enormous moments nonetheless, particularly if you’ve spent your life hiding and running from your feelings and body sensations, stuffing your emotions away, denying them, and appeasing others. These old, old habits die very hard indeed, yet, they CAN start to die off.
It is the gradual and steady accumulation of such important moments that, over time, lead to a much more solid sense of self and a return to our True Self. They are therefore vital in terms of our healing and personal growth and for building ego strength. These moments also return lost energy to us, usually in the form of suppressed anger and agency to act and protect ourselves.
I want to really emphasize that to actually experience a moment of authenticity can feel nothing short of a personal revolution, and therefore, they must be honored as such. As you can now see just how far you’ve come and how gradually your patterns of defense, pretence, and denial have begun to unravel and transmute into something quite different. In fact, something quite strong, powerful, and beautiful.
Such moments happen when what you are feeling, both emotionally and physically, is allowed simply to arise. There’s no masking through your behavior and words, nor is there any tensing in your body. In fact, the opposite occurs: your body softens, your tears flow unencumbered, your manage to say what you do/don’t need at that moment, and you give yourself permission and space to let this experience unfold in its own way and time.
Within these complex moments, where a lot is going on simultaneously in the body and the brain, there is also a very brief window of opportunity. This is the moment where we can make a choice: We can choose to speak up. We can choose to let our emotions flow. We can choose to stay with ourselves this time and not neglect ourselves in favor of either saving face or making the other person/people feel more comfortable. As Brené Brown reminds us:
Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice, to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.
To achieve this ability to stay present with all you are experiencing AND to choose in your own best interests can be a huge milestone for many people. Therefore, it should be celebrated with pride and joy. Finally, your emotions didn’t desert you, and you didn’t abandon them and yourself in the process. Your body didn’t retreat into its old patterns of rigid defense. And equally vitally, your conscious awareness and neo-cortex stayed ‘online,’ active and present, enabling you to stay conscious throughout and speak your truth. Your mind didn’t desert you, leaving you helpless and feeling powerless to speak or act. All of which helps you stay connected to your own personal power and to stand in this, regardless of who the other is.
These moments are when mind and body come together in complete unity. And after a lifetime of dissociating and splitting off, this can feel like a tremendous achievement and turning point.
Finally, the added bonus to all of this is that in such moments, not only is a deep connection to one’s self-made and strengthened, but simultaneously, connection to others happens much more easily too. Because whenever anyone in any circumstances inhabits their authentic self, those around them get naturally drawn to a more authentic place themselves. Authenticity begets authenticity. So reward these moments, cherish them, and know that not only are you building your own true self back up, but you’re also enabling more authenticity to flourish in the world; and we all need as much of that as possible.
