Who is She? Who were they? Who are we? Who am I?
These four questions form the basis of an exploration into one’s mother-line or varied ancestral history when addressing trauma or a core wound. We are connected to our ancestors womb-to-womb through the alchemy of our DNA, the embryonic fluid we steeped in, and often, wound-to-wound.
In my book, Transforming the Mother Wound – Sacred Practices for Healing Your Inner Wise Woman Through Ritual and Grounded Spirituality, I explore how our ancestors can be wise allies and part of our personal transformation.
Our stories and the stories of our ancestors are stored in our collective memory. Stories can empower a shift in human consciousness – so often, the stories of our mothers, grandmothers, fathers, and grandfathers have never been honored, have been silenced, or we’ve had no access to them. In my own journey through the mother wound, I found that giving voice to my stories and those before me cleared a path to knowing myself better. This knowledge offered a much-needed perspective as the lens of my understanding widened and helped me shed the stubborn shame which often comes with trauma or childhood wounds.
Recently, I discovered information about my birth father, which led me to information about my birth mother and completed an inquiry brewing in my heart for many years. I’ve added a photograph of my parents with me on my first birthday to my altar. I also have a picture of my maternal grandmother on this same altar. A bundle of letters sent by her sit on my bedside table, to converse with her at dreamtime. The stories she told me in these letters warm my heart.
There is a grounded sacredness that filters through my thoughts and my beingness as a result of being supported by my ancestors. In my prayers and meditations with them, I can hear their whispered love – a true blessing when I’m feeling lost or melancholy.
An Ancestor Tarot Spread
Explore connecting with your ancestors through a tarot spread. Tarot cards are a natural conduit for the spirit of an ancestor to come through – the archetypes within a tarot deck easily call forth other realms. You can use a favorite Oracle deck as well. I like to set an intention before pulling cards to keep things on course. Spirits can be cheeky!
When you call in ancestors, state that you are calling in only those who genuinely wish to support you on your path. You may wish to meditate or sit in stillness before you begin this practice. To stay in your body during this meditation, place your hands at your heart center, feet on the earth or floor and breath deeply into your lungs. When communicating with spirits, grounded and centered is best.
>Light a candle
>Lay your tarot or oracle deck cards face down one
to seven as you intuitively pull them
>Turn them over and attune to the cards
>Ask these questions or others you think of:
> What is your name and relationship to me?
>What life lessons can you help me with?
>What wisdom do you have for me today?
>What sign will you use to signal your presence?
>What gifts have you passed on to me?
>How can I honor my ancestors more?
>How can I become a better ancestor?
>Listen for the answers. Trust what comes through,
write it down, and add it to the meaning or message
of the card itself.
>Thank your ancestors for their messages and wisdom
>Brew some herbal tea and share with your ancestors
by intention
You can also pull an ancestor tarot spread to communicate with a living ancestor if a physical conversation would be difficult and you have specific questions you would like to ask. Don’t be surprised if the relationship shifts; inter-realm communication can be powerfully transformative.
Sometimes, an ancestor may come through in your meditation whose name you can’t place in your known history or within your lineage. This may be an ancient ancestor, from other lifetimes or a very distant past. I’ve found these connections especially interesting. Often, they also connect me more deeply to age of the matriarchy, moon mysteries and the Great Cosmic Mother.
Our ancestors represent more than the shared trauma that can filter down through generations; they teach us about courage, resilience, creativity, and the ability to dream wildly.
An Ancestor Altar
Our ancestors can be a magical and mysterious way to connect to past traditions, wisdom, healing and support.
The interesting thing about ancestor work is that while we are in it, we are also cultivating our own role as an ancestor.
That immediately brings about the awareness … what kind of ancestor will I be? What legacy do I leave behind for those who will call upon me for support?
When this realization came to me, one day, as I spoke to an ancestor, it helped me to be in greater awareness of how I lived my life, what I would be remembered for, and, would those who follow me would be able to add my photograph to their altars or call on me with trust?
Ancestor work travels in all directions, from the now to the past and future. It affects those who have come before us and those who are born to us, as well as our creative efforts. The Wise Woman approaches it with respect for those she calls upon, respect for those who come after her, and respect for herself.
Ancestors can sometimes live through us, projecting their energy from the Other-World, as seen in our habits and beliefs. Therefore, when we free ourselves from the patterns we do not find supportive of our life journey, we free the ancestors and provide them with rest, and also free our descendants from continuing the cycle. It is profound work.
One can either create a physical altar to their ancestors (see below), or they can treat their body as an altar, which is an incredibly beautiful way to do ancestor work.
If your body is to be the altar, then the commitment is to be conscious of how you treat your sacred container, to heal the past sufferings of ancestors, to literally wear your own healing as you become the living altar, and to humbly serve your descendants by example.
If you choose this path, you are engaging in an alchemical process of transformation. It is humbling and inspiring.
We can celebrate our ancestors daily, weekly, or twice a year at Beltane and/or Samhain – however you wish, there is no right or wrong way.
They may visit you in your dreams or in your meditations, in how you cook or how you love. Allow for them to come through in the way that they are best at, and how you ‘hear’ them best.
You may be a reincarnation of one of your ancestors… explore this if you feel any resonance to this.
Alternatively, a descendant of yours may be the reincarnation of one of your ancestors, or they may show themselves in several people in your family. Our children also connect to ancestors that we have no lineage to, through their other parent. It is an intricate tapestry, and something to ponder.
A Physical Altar to the Ancestors
>Add a photo or photos of those you wish to hear from, work with, or learn from.
>Add a dish of water and replenish it as needed. You may notice times when the water is gone quickly or slowly, when you feel a real connection or none at all. You may ask a question and hear absolutely nothing back. Try to enter into this without expectations. See what evolves. Trust in silence and your own, sometimes very faint, intuitions.
>Light a candle and offer gratitude for the traditions and wisdom of your lineage.
>Craft a prayer to your lineage: Gratitude for the birthing of your lineage, gratitude for your life, a question that needs answering perhaps, or simply a request for more wisdom.
In these times, it is becoming more and more important to lean into the traditions native to us. We so often look outside our own culture for inspiration. But honoring our own ancestry and traditions can be more authentic to ourselves. Wise Woman digs in her own past for secrets and magic that is inherently hers.
In which way would you like to work with your ancestors? A separate journal dedicated to the ancestor can work like a portal. It may include your recorded dreams – you may be surprised what opens up in your life as a result of calling in the ancestors.
To forget one’s ancestors is to be a brook without a source, a tree without a root. ~Chinese Proverb
