By Phyllis King
I am famous for writing articles with specific steps and tools to help people navigate the complexity of their moments. I, too, like to see directions to solving life’s complexity. If there are ten steps that assuredly suggest I will find success, I will dedicate myself to following those ten steps.
Here is the rub. No two paths are identical. No two lives are identical. We may have a similar dilemma. Our money space is challenged. Our relationships or careers are unfulfilling. We are struggling to be happy with the life we have. To solve any of these dilemmas, we must develop self-awareness to hear our inner voice and consciously flow with the greater reality. Success is a collaboration. One thing I know for sure is that when we balance listening to inner wisdom while responding to outer flow, our best life will find us. It takes the “think” work out of it.
We can be conscientious students. There is value in that skill. Absent the ability to factor in our own wisdom; success will be random or fragmented. This is not a new idea that I am bringing forward. Simply one, I am continuing to articulate. Consider the words of the American philosopher Henry David Thoreau who lived in the 19th century. If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears the beat of a different drummer.
It takes courage to step away from the mass message that culture, family, and well-meaning friends want us to digest. Often, they want us to digest it so that they can feel more comfortable in their lives. Many of us have heard the saying, do not tell your dreams to someone who has given up on theirs; they will never support you. Your success can be a very threat to their complacency. They will ridicule you, put you down, and even demonize your choices.
Human beings are tribal by nature. We want to belong. We want to connect. It seems wrong to go against the crowd. We often must do just that to realize our potential in life. Each of us has a unique destiny that will not be realized if we cannot find the courage to listen to the beat of our own drummer. Once we hear our voice and honor it, we can often find our way in our tribe. We can belong and be independent at the same time. They are not mutually exclusive.
Unless our friends and family are toxic, following our own vision will be an enhancement to our lives, not a problem for our lives. Others will be uplifted by our expressions, not saddened by them. We will bring more to the lives of those we care for when we become more fully realized.
As we look for formulas in “how-to” articles, we want to come to those articles with our own wisdom as the gatekeeper for what will become part of our inner narrative. Then extract what resonates synthesize it with our own wisdom to create the clearest vision of a path most likely to lead us to our success. If a magic pill exists, that is it.
How do we listen? We listen by slowing down and paying attention to how we feel. Our feelings will send a signal to us. When we feel emotionally contracted, we move away from the stimulus, causing the contraction. When we feel emotionally expansive, we continue in that direction. Do you remember the guessing game we played as children, HOT AND COLD? We would ask a question, and as the other person fed us responses, we would say “warmer” or “colder.”
Warmer meant they were getting close to the answer. Colder meant they were getting further away from the answer. We want to play this warmer/colder game internally. When we feel goodness go in that direction; when things feel complicated.
This is a simple idea that requires courage. Not all complex situations can be discarded immediately. We want to become proficient in orienting toward the feelings of expansion in our moments as a way of being. This proficiency will awaken us to a simplified life. Each of us has a road map inside of us that reveals itself to us when we honor how we feel.
Our ego-mind will disqualify our feelings. I see this often in relationship coaching. People know and feel something is off with their partnership. They want to believe so badly that this is their happily ever after they reject their own wisdom. We do this in many ways in our life.
So often, in client sessions, I will ask a person to tell me how they feel about a specific situation. They automatically respond with “I think that….” Feelings move very slowly because they work in tandem with our bodies. We must take time to be still within ourselves to know our feelings. Thoughts move very quickly and run rampant like bees buzzing around a hive. According to Observer.com, some of us have up to 70,000 thoughts a day. Ninety-five percent of those thoughts are meaningless and fleeting. We give them a lot of power. If we begin to make our decisions from heart-centered wisdom, our lives will change massively in a positive direction. We will become our best selves. It is the only possible outcome perfectly designed by the consciousness that gave us life.
