Dogs love us with absolute commitment and vulnerability, and they occupy a special space in the human heart, one reserved for the most cherished of souls. We desperately want our dogs to feel safe and to be happy and well-mannered. Modern parents are committing unprecedented amounts of money, effort, and concern toward training their dogs, yet dog behavior cases – such as fear, anxiety, aggression, and potty issues – are prevalent and rising. Why? It’s not from a lack of information. Our society is drowning in all manner of dog training advice and products, so why are there so many frustrated parents, tragically confused dogs, and sad outcomes?
If you’re one of the many struggling dog parents, you can take a big sigh of relief. There’s a simple explanation: the reason your “trained” dog is going off the rails is that typical dog training doesn’t work. You read that correctly and brace yourself because there’s more. Not only doesn’t it work, but it’s also causing many behavioral problems to develop in the first place.
Dog Training Falls Short
Typical dog training has a fatal flaw: it’s for teaching tricks. Sitting for a treat is a trick. A dog who’s been taught to come around and execute a perfect heel to your left side is performing a glorified trick. “Tricks for treats” is fun! I’ve trained dogs for television, social media, and print ads. It’s fascinating to watch a border collie weave through a person’s legs, and what’s cuter than a dog praying for his dinner? I get it. I love it, but that’s classic animal conditioning. For family life, it’s not enough. We also need to raise dogs to integrate into our busy homes as part of our families.
Dogs are actually too smart and intuitive in some regards. They learn a few things quickly from typical dog training, and that wonderful attribute has actually muddied the waters for most parents. When dogs so easily learn to sit for a treat, parents think, “Yay, it’s working!” Then things go downhill quickly because parents think they can teach the family safety rules like they taught the tricks. As the statistics show, nothing could be further from the truth.
Typical dog training (whether harsh obedience or permissive treats and distractions only) advises you to approach your dog like a simpleton. It either follows the equation of “Fear In = Reaction Out” or “Food In = Reaction Out”. It doesn’t even scratch the surface of your dog’s ability and understanding or what drives her. It doesn’t fulfill your dog or make her feel calm when left alone. It can’t teach her not to attack other dogs, bite people, or surf the counter for leftover bacon, and it definitely won’t cure her fear of kids, hardwood floors, or the garbage truck.
Those things require a different approach: a parenting approach. Because dogs are entangled with us at an emotional and intellectual level, they need proper parental guidance from a human they trust and respect. For decades, I’ve helped dog parents get incredible results by understanding this. Unfortunately, the concept of dogs having vast emotions and intentional intellect has long been dismissed as people loving their dogs to the point of anthropomorphizing. It’s an outdated and overly generalized perspective.
Among other things, recent studies confirm that dogs are born with (born with . . . not learn) the ability to use their eye movements to direct our attention toward problems they’re unable to solve and to read our eye movements, head nods, and finger pointing to follow our directions and locate objects. Wolves, and even highly intelligent apes, perform poorly on the same test of their ability to understand those human gestures.1 I’m not suggesting dogs are smarter than wolves or apes, in the classic sense. I’m saying dogs are uniquely invested in us and wickedly smart when it comes to us.
Other animals don’t need us in the same way. Our cats don’t look to us for help catching a mouse. They don’t “ask” us to pull out the oven so they can reach their prey. They wait and hide in hunting mode, according to their innate wiring. Conversely, within seconds of a tennis ball getting stuck under the couch, we see those puppy-dog eyes flash, and we trip over ourselves, running to help them. Most parents have repeated experiences with their dogs “asking” them for help but don’t stop to think about what it actually is: a strong indicator of the human-dog co-evolution and entanglement.
This is an evolutionary gift, but our society sets aside this unique symbiotic relationship and communication pathway in favor of the typical animal training mindset we’ve been taught since childhood. This explains the mystery behind how you can feel so close to your dog yet often find yourself baffled by his behaviors. It’s why you want so badly to convince your dog he’s safe, yet find yourself helpless when it comes to curing his fears. To change this, we need to step back and take a different view.
A Different View
For over twenty-five years, I’ve been fixing “unfixable” dogs. Dogs who had been surrendered to shelters and rescued due to extreme behavioral issues—or to vets for euthanasia—after all attempts by trainers, behavioral experts, and medications had failed. The dogs taught me what they needed to recover, and it wasn’t typical dog training. For decades, I kept detailed notes and captured videos while I continued learning from dogs, rehabbing them, raising puppies, and coaching parents to do the same. I kept records when doing home behavior consults, shelter assessments, and long-distance consulting for prison dog training programs and rescues across the country.
I was also raising two young boys, and like everyone else, my life was filled with ups and downs. Some years seemed impossibly tough. After surviving an extended, severe health challenge and near death experience, I was instantly and profoundly struck by the full weight of Universal love and concern for dogs. I had no doubt why I’d been returned to this life. In that moment, I was transformed from a typical suburban mom, into a woman with an unrelenting, singular purpose.
In 2012, I founded the mission-driven company Parenting4Dogs (previously Angie4Dogs) and used the years of priceless dog documentation to create innovative video programs for raising awesome dogs, creating successful adoptions, ensuring great kid-dog relationships, and fixing fears and aggression. Now, with my new book, Don’t Train Your Dog: A Pet Parenting Guide to Teaching Good Behavior, Calming Fear, and Raising Happy Dogs, I’ve brought my massive amount of proprietary content together to create the ultimate dog parenting “bible.” It includes what parents need…simple yet effective recipes for fulfilling dogs and teaching them safety rules and prescriptions for fixing what troubles them. Most importantly, all the dog parenting techniques and tips fit seamlessly into our busy, modern lives and environments.
The book includes access to the Don’t Train Your Dog Digital Companion @parenting4dogs.com. This innovative digital companion includes curated video demonstrations, downloadable, parenting techniques and tips that enhance the concepts described in the chapters.
Dog Parenting Mindset
My definition of parenting is providing love, support, and guidance to vulnerable family members, and in our modern society, dogs remain perpetual two-year-olds. I think that’s why many of the feelings we have for our dogs are similar to the ones we have for our kids. No, I don’t think dogs are human children – or that they need to be – but I don’t think they’re simply domesticated animals either. It’s hard to put an exact label on such an unusually close connection between two different species. Oh, I got it: family.
All families – whether they consist of one human and one dog or mirror the Brady Bunch – need a parent to make sure all members are safe, happy, and treated with respect. Dogs have sensitive, emotional needs and an innate desire to connect with us beyond typical training and animal conditioning.
I invite you to take the following steps that will help you begin adopting the parenting approach with your pup:
- Listen to your inner voice. It already knows the true nature of your relationship with your dog. Regardless of other’s opinions, begin to think of yourself as a dog parent, not a person trying to train a wild or domesticated animal.
- Forget trying to use all the dog training “commands,” you know: sit, off, heel, and all that jazz. Instead, be aware of your facial expressions, tone of voice, and body language when communicating with your dog. Are they conveying worry, frustration, or happiness?
- Learn simple dog body language…mouth open, casually looking around (relaxed), lifting one front paw (unsure), tense body, and direct stare (precursor to aggression.)
Once you’ve begun this journey, you can learn how to continue and get support along the way by joining the compassionate community we’re building to help each other navigate our own dog parenting journeys with confidence, patience…..and above all, a little humor.
Dogs give us unconditional love and unlimited companionship. They live wholeheartedly in each moment of the day, which makes them powerful medicine for what ails the human soul. Together, we can help all dogs flourish and feel safe by creating a world that makes sense to them. Together, we can attempt to repay them for choosing us.
By Angie Winters
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