Let’s admit it: mature and experienced couples will struggle to cope with divorce. As such, it can be difficult to expect young and innocent children to know how to navigate through such a heartbreaking life event.
Even if a divorce primarily concerns the parents, researchers from the Trinity College Dublin and Universidad Nacional de Educación a Distancia explained that children experience drastic changes in their bonds with their parents, developmental activities, and their perceptions about life after the divorce. The researchers noted that parental separation even affects children’s cognitive development, sleep quality, socio-emotional skills, and health status due to the change in parental involvement in a child’s life.
As a loving parent, it is crucial that you help your child process and navigate your divorce in a healthy manner. You can aid in healing your child’s emotional wounds by learning about the impact of divorce on children and the strategies that can reduce these negative effects.
The Impact of Divorce on Children
Divorce drastically changes the lives of children. As previously mentioned, transformations in their daily activities and their parental bonds can impact their health, sleep patterns, cognitive development, and socio-emotional skills. And the effects can be even more alarming if there is plenty of conflict between the divorced parents.
Research assistant professor of psychology at Arizona State University, Karey O’Hara, explains that interparental conflicts are a very noticeable stressor for kids. Kids with married or cohabiting parents worry that their parents may separate whenever they are in conflict. Unfortunately, kids of parents who are divorced or separated have already witnessed the dissolution of their family, so they may think that one or both of their parents will abandon them during these conflicts. On top of that, O’Hara notes that kids who worried about being abandoned by their parents were more likely to have mental health problems ten months later. However, parents don’t have to “stay together for the kids” to avoid these consequences.
How to Help Children Cope With Divorce
Try to build a good co-parenting strategy for your child
Conflicts between divorced parents can trigger fear and feelings of abandonment. So if you want your kid to cope properly with your divorce, one of the first things that you’ll have to do is to build a good co-parenting strategy. A strong co-parenting strategy can help your kids get the right amount of developmental activities and quality time with their parents so that they can have optimal sleep quality, health status, and development even as they try to process the
divorce. This strategy can also minimize any conflicts between you and your former partner so that you can protect your kid’s mental well-being.
Openly discuss your emotions with one another
As a parent, you think that you need to act strong in front of your kids in the hope that your little ones will think that everything is okay. Even if you try hard to mask your emotions, your kids will still be able to observe differences in your actions and may even feel fear due to the changes in your behavior. As we explored in our article Easing Fear in Children, instead of hiding your emotions, you can ease their fear by opening up about your experiences and embracing
emotions in your home. These types of interactions are pivotal for children because they will feel more secure in expressing and embracing their emotions through your example.
Allow them to get help from professionals whenever needed
As we mentioned in the introduction, there is an increasing number of qualified professionals available. If your child talks to you about heavy and persistent emotions, it’s important to let them get help from social workers, family experts, or even mental health professionals. Some parents may think that this is too extreme for little kids. However, getting professional help can allow your little one to process their emotions about your divorce and get the reassurance they need. Most of all, these experts can support the socio-emotional development of your child by giving them a framework for their healing. Through this framework, your child can build the right skills and heal their wounds so that they can finally move forward from the divorce.
Encourage creative hobbies
A divorce is also likely to disrupt a child’s life, causing a break in routines and maybe new places to stay at weekends. You need to seek to normalize that experience, making it a smooth transition. If you can, you’ll need to allow them the scope to express themselves, but not necessarily through discussion. If you find children are split between two locations during a custody agreement, or you’re a parent who previously hasn’t had a lot of leisure time with them, finding a creative hobby is a good way to help them through the situation. You might consider many pastimes, but two could be music and photography. Both are used in therapy to help children deal with trauma and as such, they have positive effects that help them cope with the realities of a divorce.
Photography is a great creative outlet, and it can help children process emotions and express themselves in a way that simply talking may not. If you wish to get your child into photography, buying them a camera is a great place to start. Whilst a digital SLR, such as a Nikon D7500, offer versatility in terms of learning a new craft, it can be complicated for a beginner. However, a Sony Alpha a7R mirrorless camera is different, as it has an easy-to-use interface but a top-end 61-megapixel full-frame back-illuminated Exmor R CMOS sensor. That means top-quality pictures for your child, but also scope to be as creative as they need to be to express their emotions. Picking up such a bit of kit and learning how to use it is also an excellent way for a parent and child to bond, furthering photography’s appeal.
The same can be said for learning an instrument or taking up any form of music as a hobby. It might be singing, learning to play the guitar, or recording and making their music on a laptop. Music is a well-known form of expression, and often the best musicians use childhood experiences to motivate them and drive their music. Think about the rapper Eminem, who worked through most of his life’s struggles through his music. Your child might not be the next prominent rapper, but with a rudimentary Casio CT-S100 keyboard, they may well be able to release emotions and feelings they cannot quite put into words.
Divorce isn’t easy for anyone. However, kids can be hit hard by this big life event, which is why parents must give them the love and support that they need during this tough period.
JB Rowell is a mental health and wellness advocate. When she is not writing about transformative healing and self-love, she volunteers at a local nonprofit organization dedicated to helping low-income women and young girls.
By JB Rowell
