By Angela Dunning
We are all wounded in one way or another. Some of us carry deep scar tissue from way back, even from our first moments of life in the womb, if our entry into this world was not happy or desired. We accumulate additional wounds as we grow up, at the time when our flesh and soul are so vulnerable, precious, and permeable that the hurts go in deep and quick and remain with us until we finally bring them to consciousness and make the commitment to our own healing. Throughout our adolescence and adulthood, we undergo further pain, traumas, and losses. We fail, we struggle, we experience betrayals, and often, we also let ourselves down in a myriad of ways through self-destructive habits and behaviors. Each lifetime carries many opportunities for wounding to occur.
Yet, it is in the process of bringing to consciousness the source of our wounds AND in allowing ourselves to FEEL the pain of that experience fully that we begin to heal. Releasing stuck trauma in our body is also part of the process for many and requires gentle, ongoing support: therapy, bodywork, energy healing, and lots and lots of self-care and love.
The next step, however, is antithetical to our modern lives. The medical model and its insidious mind-body separation leave no room or time for understanding what we can learn from our pain and wounds. Neither does it value the metaphorical or symbolic realm where we can also begin to glean the meaning and wisdom behind and within our wounds.
What could be the wisdom in your wounds? What possible positives can be mined from such pain and suffering? Turning the entire way of looking at what happened to us in the past on its head is a mighty feat indeed and requires much courage. To start to see how other people and situations have caused us pain as gateways into a deeper, untapped, and often ancient wisdom inside of ourselves is an incredible achievement. Let me give you a personal example.
I have a major Mother Wound at the core of me. As an unwanted baby and an emotionally and psychologically neglected infant who had to grow up rapidly and seriously adapt to my family’s ways rather than honor my own ways, I have suffered greatly in my life, most of all in the area of relationships; all kinds of relationships. Yet, now that I have come through the other side after years of psychotherapy and other forms of healing and support, I am able to see how that particular wound has led me not only to be able to do the kind of professional work I do with other wounded people, but it also enables me to write and support people through continually mining the wisdom behind my wound. It is indeed an enormous gift. My senses are acutely honed. I can spot a similarly wounded person a mile off. I can empathize with the howling pain and hollowness left at the core of one’s being when you start out in life unloved and un-nurtured to simply live as your true self. And that is where the real gold is for me and my work: I can support other people to rediscover and nurture their true, authentic selves in ways I simply wouldn’t be able to without having first gone through this profoundly painful early initiation myself.
Jung says that our first experience of abandonment is a necessary initiation. It’s taken me years to accept and value this in a positive way. Years of struggle and pain and thinking I will never recover and be able to live the life I was born to fulfill. And yet, that day can eventually come. The light will return, and the insights drop down more deeply into us as we mature and listen to the wisdom to be found in our wounding.
Naturally, people with a similar wound unconsciously feel drawn to work with me, and so I revisit these painful spots again and again as I gently help them start to unravel the painful cords strangling their authentic voice, body, and soul. Of course, with the help of the horses who thrive on seeing us thrive authentically, it is a potent combination of support for others.
This is where we learn that the phrase The Wounded Healer really holds deep meaning. I also add the word ‘conscious’ because we can be a wounded healer without having done the hard work of bringing our wounds fully into consciousness, let alone really mining the depths for their unique wisdom. So I think of my path as that of being The Conscious Wounded Healer, lighting the way for others so that they may also begin to see their own particular wounding as the crucible of their wisdom. If we all took this path, the world would be a much softer and more compassionate place indeed.
Quote at the beginning taken from Clarissa Pinkola Estés’ book, ‘Women Who Run With The Wolves: Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype.’
